She's coming to eat you!

Warning: this blog can probably be considered both insensitive and not PC.

Picture this:

You are walking down the streets of downtown Seattle. There is a moderate amount of foot traffic around.

You notice a lady standing in the sidewalk. She doesn’t look like a business person, but perhaps a tourist.

Little do you know…she is…

crazy lady.

She starts walking ahead of you at a normal pace, but you sense that something isn’t quite right.

Then you realize, she is staring at you. In a mirror. That she is holding in front of her face.

You glance at the mirror. She is literally staring right at you in her little mirror as she walks in front of you. Creepy.

You try to pretend like you didn’t see anything. The best thing to do with crazies is generally to ignore them. Under no circumstances should you let them know that you are paying attention to them because this will either 1) freak them out and make them think that you are stalking them or judging them or going to kill them, or 2) encourage them to do more crazy things because now they have an audience for their antics.

But this doesn’t seem to work. She just keeps staring at you.

As you walk along, your pace is slightly faster than her’s, so you are catching up with her. Now you notice the murmuring. Bad sign. And she’s still staring at you.

You pick up your pace more in order to pass her and hopefully escape.

Just as you are about to make the move to pass, she stops in her tracks turns toward you and proceeds to run into you all the while exclaiming with wild gesticulations of the mirror in her hand,

“This isn’t the direction I was supposed to go!”

She bumbles past you and goes a different direction. You don’t watch where because you are checking your purse to make sure you didn’t just get pick-pocketed.

All the contents of your purse are fine, so you breathe a sigh of relief and continue moving on down the street to do your errands. You think you’ve escaped.

You are wrong.

On the return trip, you think, “I’ll take a different route to go back,” since there were so many particularly unsavory characters on the street you had taken before (other than the crazy woman).

Crazy woman has almost left your mind.

You approach a cross walk, and think, “I know that parka.”

Crazy lady.

She is standing in the direction you want to go. And she’s staring at you again!

At this point you’re a little freaked out and think “Holy Crap, I think she’s stalking ME!” You quickly maneuver in order to try and avoid coming anywhere near crazy lady. She somehow outmaneuvers you and ends up having the loudest sneeze, right on your shoes. The sneeze is so loud and unexpected that it scares the living daylights out of you and now all you want to do is run away!

But you can’t because you are in heels.

So you settle for trying to place as many people between you and her lumbering stride. That’s right she’s following you.

You look back and see her coming, so you really pick up the pace. You manage to reach a cross walk just as the red hand is blinking, so you run across in order to make the light. You dash up the steps to your building and quickly glance behind you.

But crazy lady is gone.