My immortal cell phone

My phone will never die.

It will never get lost. It will never break. It will never do anything to give me a legitimate excuse to go buy a new phone.

Let me explain.

I’ve had this phone since 2005. It was the free model back then. I’ve thrown it. Dropped it. Not treated it well at all. Pretty much the only thing I haven’t done is drop it in water. Yesterday, I left it at a restaurant. The thought struck me this morning walking to the bus.

“Oh crap! I left my phone at the restaurant. I’LL NEVER GET IT BACK!” ADRENALINE!!! PANIC!!!

I checked my purse. It definitely wasn’t there. I ran back home to see if maybe I had left it on my dresser or night stand or something, even though I knew I hadn’t taken it out, I thought just maybe it might be sitting there happily, and I will walk in and go, “Oh thank God!” and hug it and then the world would be good. But it wasn’t there.

I sped back to the bus stop and hopped the bus to work thinking I would run to the restaurant and see if just maybe they have it, but also thinking that they likely wouldn’t have it because things just seem to disappear whenever they are left at restaurants and then I would have lost all my phone numbers and pictures and all those special text messages from my family and boyfriend, and CRAP CRAP CRAP why does this happen to ME! That was pretty much my thought process.

As the bus went along to work, the adrenaline subsided and the rational thought process resumed in my brain and I realized that, wait… If I’ve lost my phone (which I’ve had forever ANYWAY)…I would HAVE to get a new phone…

SWEET!!!!

Now I start thinking, “Oooo I can get a blackberry! Or…maybe…an iphone? I can go play with phones this weekend!” It was frightening how quickly losing my phone became a good thing.

The bus pulls up to my stop. I ran to the restaurant where we ate the night before, totally confused about whether I should hope that they have my phone or that they don’t.

“I think I may have left my phone here last night” I tell a gal cleaning the windows of the restaurant. She goes into this back room and comes out looking very apologetic, “No, no one left a phone in the lost and found last night that fits your description. I’m sorry.”

It looked like the pendulum might be swinging towards a new phone!

Hostess continues, “but let me check around…” as she starts looking around the hostess podium, “sometimes people just stash stuff in here…oh look! Here it is!”

ARG.

No new phone.

But I managed to still keep all of my phone numbers and pictures. Now I just have to come up with the will power to go buy a new phone, while still having one that functions.

I blame this inability to buy something new when you have an old one that still works on my mother.

My mom has a microwave that is older than me. Why? Because it still works.

I’m cursed.

My phone just laughs at me. “I will never DIE! You will have to use my inferior camera and 10 key texting forever!!! HAHAHAHAHA”